Hi, Mike. I have incredibly bad social anxiety-when writing this I deleted it at least seven times and rewrote it to avoid a panic attack. I want to be less anxious in everyday life but I can’t afford a psych visit right now. I’ve always looked up to you and your stories about anxiety and depression, any suggestions?

tmichaelmartin:

Hi there, Anon! So sorry you’ve been having a hard time. Have you seen the Gregory Brothers version of “First Kiss Today”? This has nothing to do with anxiety but everything to do with finding something to make you smile. :]

I’ve gotten so much better the six weeks, but the beginning of 2015 was a high-water mark for me in terms of my number of panic attacks. It had to do with a lot of different things, most notably an episode of “antidepressant poop-out” and consequently starting a new medication. The worst attack happened when I was traveling by myself and trying to make a short connection in the Detroit airport. The onset was immediate and apocalyptic. Picture a thirty-year-old nerd-man plopping down in the middle of the waxed terminal floor, eyes greasy, skin cold. I tried to find a nurse’s station but couldn’t. So I willed the pieces of myself together and went to get a bagel, but the Einstein’s employees were screaming at each other, and one of them got furious at a customer for something and hurled a bagel at the floor and quit their job on the spot. I went onto the plane, my vision shrinking down to a pinhole, which always reminds me of when I was a kid and would unscrew the black barrel of my air pistol and stare down it like a telescope. I told the flight attendant I had a stomach-related emergency, hustled to the bathroom, and let the metallic-tasting waves of panic crash through my system for exactly two minutes. Then I deep-breathed for two minutes. Then I went back to my seat and the rest of the day was pretty good.

Anyway, all of this to say, I can truly relate to what you’ve been experiencing. But even though depression and anxiety (mostly depression) are parts of my life, they do not form the definition of me, and they need not form the definition of you. 

There are lots and lots of fantastic, free resources out there, several of which I utilized myself when I had no mental health coverage. I talk about many of them in my favorite How to Adult video, “What if Depression Followed You Online?”  There’s also additional information in the video’s description.

I truly hope this helps, Anon! And if any lovely Tumblr Buddies out there have suggestions, please pass them along. Take care of yourself. You’ve got this.

– Mike